Learning How to Fight

 

Ephesians 4:26-27

 

1.                  Have a covenant and promise between the two of you Malachi 2:14. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

a.      Your first covenant and promise needs to be to the Lord Jesus Christ who will give you the power to keep your word

                                                              i.      The basis of the Christian home is knowing the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Savior

                                                            ii.      A happy Christian family needs the relationship with Jesus Christ as the center around which the family revolves

b.      The word is covenant not contract because a covenant is based on trust and faith and a contract is based on distrust and self protection

c.      Settle it now—no “D” word, no separation

d.      Once you decide that you have to settle it you will have to pay the price to fix your marital problems

e.      If you have entered into the covenant relationship with Jesus Christ you have learned to say that you are sorry for your sin and to ask forgiveness

 

2.                  Learn to tell the truth but lovingly and with love Ephesians 4:25. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. Ephesians 4:15. But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

a.      Talking code doesn’t work

b.      Hiding your feelings isn’t transparent and doesn’t work

c.      Since we are members one of the other we must be honest, open, transparent

d.      It is not necessary to tell or express everything—some things you need to learn to accept as they are--the person you love and are married to for example

 

3.                  Use only words that build up and never to hurt Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

a.      Never talk dirty to your partner

b.      Never say things to hurt

c.      Never try to feel bigger by making your partner feel smaller

d.      Let your words encourage and build up

e.      Make sure your words are grace words or giving undeserved sweet words

f.        Motivate by the kindness of your words

g.      Give security with your words

 

4.                  Decide to do whatever is possible to live in peace with your partner Romans 12:18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

a.      As much as lieth in you

b.      Live at peace with all men and even more so then with your partner

c.      That means not saying the cutting, hard things

d.      That means counting to 10 if you need to

e.      That means waiting to talk later

f.        That means giving instead of taking

g.      That means trying to see things from your partner’s point of view

 

5.                  Respond correctly to your spouse’s commentaries I Peter 3:9-12 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: 11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.

a.      Contrariwise give blessing for evil or railing

b.      Hold your tongue from saying ugly things

c.      Speak no guile—no deceit or trickery

d.      Hate evil and do good

e.      Seek peace with all your heart

 

6.                  Fix things every day before going to bed Ephesians 4:26-27 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: 27 Neither give place to the devil.

a.      Before you go to bed talk it over and get it right

b.      Don’t hold on to bitterness which gives place to the devil

c.      Learn to say I am sorry I was wrong please forgive me

d.      Do not think that if you just let it drop it will be ok or if your partner isn’t talking about it that it will be ok

e.      Don’t drag up old things and fix everything while it is small

 

7.                  Learn to express your love tenderly—you can fix anything in your marriage Hosea 2:14-15 Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her. 15 And I will give her her vineyards from thence, and the valley of Achor for a door of hope: and she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, and as in the day when she came up out of the land of Egypt.

a.      Hosea has dealt with an adulterous wife and now they getting things right between them

b.      Allure her or win her back

c.      Spend time alone with her—wilderness

d.      Speak comfortably –use kind words so don’t drag up old wounds etc

e.      Give her gifts

f.        Put the melody back in her heart